well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
