If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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