My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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