My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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