Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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