I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
