fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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