i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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