I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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