chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
honey bunches of taint.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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