I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I want is dick and wine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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