Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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