I just pynch a tree in the face
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
