we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
