My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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