her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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