I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
