is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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