I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize