I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
