i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
