that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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