I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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