somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
