the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
don't judge my taste in strippers
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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