There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is the high leading the old right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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