and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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