If i come over, it means nothing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
