I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
