I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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