I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
