Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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