Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
