I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
