Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
