you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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