Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
