did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nicole vs. Life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
