i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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