Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
