worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
