just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
