The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
