Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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