I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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