can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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