she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
