I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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