I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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