Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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