I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
