I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
