Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
