I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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