dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
