I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
