So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
