There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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