I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
