wakey wakey hands off snakey
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
