i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
