First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dick very happy bro
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
