That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
