I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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