Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
