Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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