why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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