Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
