quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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