You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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