I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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