....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
