yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
