mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
