I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
