Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
